In relation to the "scariest part of becoming an Atheist" entry from last year.
"giving up Church is harder than quitting smoking"
- 'reformed' Christian at Forrestania
I broke up with my partner over a desire to keep travelling all year and not return to Australia. And it felt like the world went out from under me. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted my best friend back. I wanted to go back to Perth and say "I'm sorry, I was being selfish." I stayed in bed all day, and spent the next week doing nothing but think, and drink tea, and think some more. Then I got sick, and it rained for 2 weeks, and my bicycle broke, and no one would help me, and I just wanted to pick up the phone.
But I couldn't.
I was by myself. I didn't have a shoulder to cry on. No more hugs, no more love letters to compose, no more admirer watching me from across miles and miles of ocean. Just...
Nothing. Me. Alone.
But no-one would advise a serious relationship with potential life-altering consequences just to avoid being alone.
And perhaps my "relationship" with God is the same. To make the leap to being "alone," to officially cut out the part of me that has almost defined my existance ("girl, christian, canadian, geologist") for almost 24 years?
Multiply the Mal-withdrawal by 24.
Of course I'll be lonely. I'll want the church services and small groups and christmas carols and the challenge of memorizing the entire book of Romans (and no, I didn't.) I'll want my God back when I'm sick and its been raining for 2 weeks and my bicycle is broken.
But is it really bad to be alone?
Maybe it is good for me, and something to be enjoyed, but I'm simply not used to it yet.
Maybe its a better challenge than the book of Romans.
"giving up Church is harder than quitting smoking"
- 'reformed' Christian at Forrestania
I broke up with my partner over a desire to keep travelling all year and not return to Australia. And it felt like the world went out from under me. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted my best friend back. I wanted to go back to Perth and say "I'm sorry, I was being selfish." I stayed in bed all day, and spent the next week doing nothing but think, and drink tea, and think some more. Then I got sick, and it rained for 2 weeks, and my bicycle broke, and no one would help me, and I just wanted to pick up the phone.
But I couldn't.
I was by myself. I didn't have a shoulder to cry on. No more hugs, no more love letters to compose, no more admirer watching me from across miles and miles of ocean. Just...
Nothing. Me. Alone.
But no-one would advise a serious relationship with potential life-altering consequences just to avoid being alone.
And perhaps my "relationship" with God is the same. To make the leap to being "alone," to officially cut out the part of me that has almost defined my existance ("girl, christian, canadian, geologist") for almost 24 years?
Multiply the Mal-withdrawal by 24.
Of course I'll be lonely. I'll want the church services and small groups and christmas carols and the challenge of memorizing the entire book of Romans (and no, I didn't.) I'll want my God back when I'm sick and its been raining for 2 weeks and my bicycle is broken.
But is it really bad to be alone?
Maybe it is good for me, and something to be enjoyed, but I'm simply not used to it yet.
Maybe its a better challenge than the book of Romans.
Labels: Loneliness
posted by Polliegenesis at 4:58 AM
2 Comments:
Hi Polliegenesis, I hope this comment doesn't appear totally off-base. I found your blog when I clicked on Alex S's blog profile for the first time today and was pretty amazed to find a history - albeit a short one - of leaving the church. I once told Alex, or told someone in reference to Alex, that you could no more convince an atheist to believe in God (that was in reference to me) than vice-versa. So your blog really came as a surprise to me. I'm curious as to how that came about (just as with the Conversion Diary blog, the one about the atheist who converts to Catholicism, doesn't explain everything in a way I can understand). Please keep blogging - you have at least one reader who is interested to know. :-)
Hey! It was good to see you writing again. (I actually read this not too long after you wrote it, but didn't comment then.) And I see that my friend Premee found this blog too. Your audience is growing...
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