Wednesday, September 23, 2009

How do we know when we cross the line between:
In love / Out of love
A fan of Ace of Base / Not a fan of Ace of Base
(or, more realistically come to think of it, Not a fan of Ace of Base / Fan of Ace of Base)
Conservative / Liberal
Angry that the man in the rickshaw knocked me off my bike / Amused by the accident and blogging about Karachi traffic

How do we know that we are "born again"?
Did anyone sit on the couch, thinking "Not a Christian, not a Christian, not a Christian, Aha! Now, at 12:36:44, 2 June 2004, I declare Jesus to be Lord over all things, and pledge to follow him for all my life. Christian, Christian, Christian..."

But these moments can be crucial. Knowing how we are changing, being able to see a trajectory and then either halt it (in the case of, for example, becoming more angry, depressed, intolerant, fanatically religious, racist) or encourage it (thinking more highly of my mom, wanting to eat more vegetables, becoming less upset, getting over the ex, developing a desire to understand calculus - no wait, thats harmful!...)

But if we can see what is happening in these moments where our views, our emotions, our outlook are changing, would the effect be different?
In hindsight, I am glad that I left the church, but at what point along this trajectory is the point of no return?

I can recall being in a state of active belief in Jesus and involvement in the Christian community, and expressed worry that my faith was starting to slip, and the action was to prevent this from happening at all cost. "What should I do? Pray for me. I feel that my faith is dead, I am at a low point."
Near the top of the curve, I am more inclined to resist. I want to be a Christian.

And I can recall, most recently, being in a state of disbelief in Jesus, and being worried that I was still hanging on to traditions that could be detrimental, and my action was to enable my continued slide to atheism, at all cost.
Near the bottom of the curve, I am more inclined to try to speed up the process. I need to rid myself of superstitious nonsense. I want to be an atheist.

But the curve obviously isn't straight. What is the rate of change? Is there a discernible point where the two states meet?
Could an increased knowledge of calculus help me to plot the change of faith level as the limit of belief in Jesus approaches zero? Does it resemble a phase change? Is it an equlibrium reaction? How many variables? Can one make a mathematical model?

(I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not my desire to comprehend calculus is harmful.)

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2 Comments:

Blogger Alex said...

It's handy being technically a contributor to this blog. (I say "technically" because I pretty much don't contribute.) When I log in to Blogger, this blog moves to the top of my list if you've posted something more recently than me.

Anyway, I just want to say, you need to calculate the second derivative of your level of faith with respect to time. Then you can see how fast the rate of change is changing.

Or if you integrate your level of faith over time, you can see the sum of your faith over your entire life. Only if your level of faith is negative now will the sum actually decrease.

10:08 PM  
Blogger Polliegenesis said...

Interesting point on the concept of negative faith! I shall include the concept in my next post!

4:19 AM  

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