Pray for televangelists
(I mean, Prey for televangelists)

So I'm in a sub-siberian foriegn city. I don't speak the language, I'm dangerously ill, the doctor has done a number of tests and told me nothing remotely encouraging in fact everything she told me was in Russian, later translated to "You are getting better, but have been very very ill. Do not leave your home, take these pills for 15 days, then return to Canada." Of course I can not return to Canada, I have no home in Canada, I have no job, and its winter. (Of course I have no job in Bishkek and no home here either, but the rent is only $4 / day)

Of course, being lonely and bored and worried and wanting to get my mind off things, I turn to the TV. 2 days of Al Jazeera and BBC informing me that "Obama is in China" have me bored enough to turn to Church Channel, the only other English-language programme.

Here is what I learned after a day of watching Church Channel:

For $100 to Master's Touch Ministries Global, I will "see a tangible blessing" Any call or pledge to TBN network will get me a golden-domed creche with Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, For $35 or more I can recieve "Biblical dietary laws" and, while supplies last, Free! Adrenal supplement. To help children, call 1-800-947-LIFE, take out your bank card, and donate $30, 50, or 100. Recieve a special blue and gold christmas throw. For one thousand dollars, I can feed 100 childern, and will recieve a bronze sculpture!
The Tabernacle prayer method (which seemed sound btw, but the programme was all frosting and no meat and potatos. To get the substance of the teaching, I must buy the book) for any gift, but for $150 they'll throu in a scented candle, designed to replicate the insence recipe given in Exodus. "The church Channel is broadcast 24/7 to uplift you. Please send gifts." For $25, learn more about the fear of the Lord. Activate angels in your life with this wonderful book for $30 or more. Buy the Love revolution, entire curriculum, by Joyce Meyer. For $15, buy the DVD set "Is America a Christian Nation?"
BEWARE! Right now, in Melbourne Australia, they are meeting to create a one world church. And in Copenhagen in a few days, they are creating the one world government. END TIMES ARE HERE! How Exciting! InTouch Sailibration Bible cruise, limited space, book now! Sow your best seed, either 30, 60, or 100 dollars and recieve 6 messages on wealth creation. For 100 or more you will recieve "Royal Road to Resilience", extremely helpful in this time of recovery. Miracles do happen. Someone watching today has a sore hip. Someone watching right now. Join me! Dear Jesus please help this viewer. If you are healed, call and send donation. Donate $20 or more to "The King is Coming" On December 21, 2012, the Mayan calendar ends. Is this the start of catastrophic events? Is this the Armageddon? Order "2012, the Bible, and the end of the world" For $49 or more, recieve "Global Warning" and "Oil, Armageddon, and Terror" For $150 right now, recieve the Bible that will enrich your life. WPM subject Bible, 2 Bibles in one!

okay, you might say, every network must have ads, ads are how TV programs can be on the air in the first place. But there is a difference between advertising a vaccuum cleaner that no pet owner should live without or a Kokanee beer ('cause we all know that the minute we buy the 6-pack we'll be magically transported into a mountain chalet with 20 beautiful girls) and advertising a book or CD that will tell you how to have eternal life, how to have friends, how to not be lonely, how to get the power of healing, how to reduce the stress of being stuck at home with triplets, how to save my life. Telling someone they will go to Hell is slightly less ethical than telling someone that their brand of instant noodles is inferior

"Healers" asking for money from the bedridden and sick. The vulnerable.

Pastors with money and slick churches with rock bands and choirs asking for donations from people that attend a small country church that can barely afford their new powerpoint system and don't quite have enough in the budget for a youth leader

Book-writers and pastors, all with fake tans and plastic surgery (seriously. Not a single girl with a natural appearance. What does this say to Christian women?) giving a sermon where not a single new thing is learned. Seriously. I don't count myself a Bible expert or mature Christian (or really a Christian at all), but most of the Bible mentioned in these messages, between the special offers and "Buy my book for more information, and if you like what you heard today", I had actually MEMORISED let alone heard, by the age of 12. Its not a sermon, its a sales pitch. It pisses me off. It makes me worried about the thousands of vulnerable people.

I am worried about thousands of vulnerable people who have no where else to turn but their TV. I've only been in pain, lonely, alienated, and stressed for 2 days, and derive amusement as opposed to comfort from this, but what if I was in a bed-ridden state indefinitely. Lost. Lonely. Weak. Discouraged. I am worried about who they are giving their financial gifts to. I am worried about where they are placing their trust.

Seriously. So intrigued was I by the "News" segment (One-world church and one-world government! The new world order is upon us!) that I almost ordered the guy's book and 'Prophesy Bible' to compliment my own study of Revelation and Daniel.
And if I almost bought it, what about the masses of fanatical sheep awaiting rapture...